Thursday, September 9, 2010

Friday Fiction for September 10, 2010 - Deleted Scene Week!

You’ll find Friday Fiction hosted this week by Joanne, over at An Open Book. Drop in, say ‘hi’ to Joanne, and look for the other Friday Fiction participants in the Linky tool.

This week is a break from the seriousness of “Precocious by Consent” (no, that doesn’t mean I’ve posted as much as I have), with this very special “Deleted Scene” episode. If movie makers can include deleted scenes on the DVD, then why not include one here on Pod Tales?

This scene appeared in Chapter 39 of the original draft of “Marta’s Pod.” I really enjoyed this scene, both for the light-hearted feel of it, and for the portrayal of the Pod it gives. I’ve often seen the Pod as having a rather unusual blending of innocence and worldliness, and it comes through in a few double-entendres in this scene.

The reason it was deleted, though is two-fold. One, while amusing, it didn’t advance the story, nor did it really help develop any of the characters. The second, and more important, is that most editors advise very strongly against including even snippets of copyrighted song lyrics in a book. Securing the permission to use said lyrics can be tricky, and “fair use” rules tend to be rather muddy in such cases.

Since the lyrics for this song can be found several places on the web, including on Leonard Cohen’s webpage, and since this excerpt is not-for-profit, I don’t think I’ll have much problem using it here. If you’ve never heard the song before, you can listen to it on Youtube.

Leading up to this scene in the story was a confrontation between Suzanne and her biological father, Emilio. She ends up knocking him into the pool, where she keeps dunking him until he capitulates (okay, in this case, "dunking" means she nearly drowns him).

Suzanne

Mark played his guitar for a small but appreciative audience. Not only were his calluses back, but playing with his coworkers had stretched his skill and helped him polish some of his techniques. Daniel and Suzanne were among those who listened, the young couple resting close beside each other with their tails overlapping.

“Hey, Mark,” Daniel said during one break. “Do you know any songs about Suzanne?”

“I believe I do,” Mark replied, starting to run through a few chords. “As I recall, it was Leonard Cohen who wrote this one titled ‘Suzanne’.” He searched his memory and found the proper chord progression and lyrics. “Man, how do I remember this stuff?” He wondered out loud.

Suzanne takes you down to her place by the river,

You can hear the boats go by

You can spend the night beside her

And you know that she’s half crazy

“That’s her, all right!” Robert laughed. Suzanne stuck her tongue at him in reply.

But that’s why you want to be there

And she feeds you tea and oranges that come all the way from China

“Oranges? Are you holding out on me?” Daniel asked.

And just when you mean to tell her

That you have no love to give her

She gets you on her wavelength

And she lets the river answer that you’ve always been her lover

And you want to travel with her

And you want to travel blind

And you know that she will trust you

For you’ve touched her perfect body with your mind.”

“Oh? Is that what you’re calling it now?” Gretchen teased. “I guess that explains why you say you like having her on your mind!”

Mark paused his singing, too busy laughing at the comments to continue right away.

“Hey, I’ve got a mind you can be on!” Andrew suggested to Gretchen.

“Seems to me I remember you telling Jonathon you had half a mind to chase after Rachel. Maybe she’d be happy with only half a mind, but not me,” Gretchen shot back.

“Okay, let Mark sing,” Eva said, stifling her own laugh at the comments.

And Jesus was a sailor when He walked upon the water,

And He spent a long time watching

From His lonely wooden tower

And when He knew for certain

Only drowning men could see Him

“Josh didn’t; he saw Marta.”

“Hush.”

He said ‘All men will be sailors then

Until the sea shall free them!’

But He Himself was broken

Long before the sky would open

Forsaken, almost human

He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone.

And you want to travel with Him,

And you want to travel blind,

And you think maybe you’ll trust Him

For He’s touched your perfect body with His mind.”

“Oooh, that’s sick!”

“Shh!”

“Hey, I bet Emilio saw Jesus this morning! He certainly kept yelling out His name!”

“Quiet!”

Now Suzanne takes your hand and she leads you to the river,

She is wearing rags and feathers

From Salvation Army counters

And the Sun pours down like honey

On our Lady of the Harbor

And she shows you where to look

Among the garbage and the flowers

There are heroes in the seaweed

There are children in the morning

They are leaning out for love

And they will lean that way forever

While Suzanne holds the mirror

And you want to travel with her

And you want to travel blind

And you know that you can trust her

For she’s touched your perfect body with her mind.”

“No comments on the last line?” Mark said.

Heroes in the seaweed,” Kelli quoted, barely above a whisper. Children in the morning leaning out for love? He was really writing about us, wasn’t he?”

“Considering Cohen wrote this song back in the nineteen-sixties, I doubt it.”

“But Marta saved Josh’s life, so wouldn’t that make her a hero in the seaweed?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“And when Eva takes you for a swim, aren’t you traveling blind? Your eyes aren’t made to handle the seawater like ours are.”

“Well, I guess the song fits the Pod in a lot of ways. I still don’t think that’s what Mr. Cohen had in mind when he wrote it, but maybe he was just ahead of his time.”

2 comments:

Joanne Sher said...

Enjoyed this - definitely playful and fitting with your wonderful characters. Thanks for "digging into the archives" for us.

Stina Rose said...

Thanks for the deleted scene. I liked it. Your characters are wonderful!