Friday Fiction this week is hosted by Stina Rose, at her blog Scroll Bag. Look for McLinky on her blog, to read the great submissions from other Friday Fiction participants.
I was interviewed by Peej over on her Patterings blog this week, and in one of my answers I mentioned Snickers candy bars and Diet Pepsi. The first time I played this running gag was in the following mock interview I wrote for my April 2007 column on Collector Times. This was before the finalized and published version of Cardan’s Pod, and before I managed to get anything put together for a website. This was just a fun, silly piece, and ran the same month as “The Sound of Her Voice” on CT.
Confessions of a Newbie, April 2007
Narrator: This month’s episode of Confessions of a Newbie will not be seen today, so that we may bring you the following special program.
Eva: Thanks.
Marta: Good to be here, Howie.
Host: Let’s dive right in, shall we?
Eva: Watch it, Howie. Any more puns like that, and we’ll replace you with a flatulent gerbil.
Host: Er, uh, right. Anyway, so tell our audience today. What made you decide it was time to tell your story to the world?
Marta: Well, part of it was we figured if so many people were bored enough to pay attention to Paris Hilton, we might actually have a chance of generating some interest.
Eva: Money. Maintaining an island gets expensive, you know.
Host: But isn’t Josh Cardan wealthy enough to handle that?
Eva: With the uncertainty of today’s economy? Sure, he’s handling things now, but what happens if his company gets hit with some huge lawsuit, or the market crashes, or he gets hooked on eBay? We need some income of our own.
Marta: I like eBay.
Eva: Shh.
Host: So why did you decide on an unknown author to tell your story? Why not some established writer with a reputation and following?
Marta: Well, Rick sent us some samples, and we all really liked his writing. We’d read him on Collector Times for a couple of years –
Host: You read Collector Times?
Marta: Why not? We’re collectors, too. Eva’s sister collects beer bottles she finds, and we all like to collect books. Anyway, why we decided on Rick –
Eva: Allen Dean Foster and Piers Anthony were busy, and besides, Rick works cheap. We locked him in a room, gave him Snickers candy bars and Diet Pepsi, and refused to let him out until he’d finished writing. No other writer was dumb enough to get lured into the room so we could lock the door.
Host: I see; so what do you think of his work so far?
Marta: I’m enjoying it.
Eva: You would not believe the number of times I’ve had to nag him for rewrites. You’d think after this much time, he’d have everything correct, but I’m still finding stupid mistakes. I should have stuck with my first instinct and went with Stephen King.
Marta: But you saw what King wanted to do with us; you’d have had six inch long fangs, octopus tentacles for fingers, glowing purple eyes, and needed human livers to survive.
Eva: For a Stephen King best seller? I could live with that.
Host: So what does the future hold for the Pod?
Marta: Well, we have a web page in work.
Eva: We have a domain name registered, actually. We haven’t seen one line of code yet for a web page, though.
Host: Who’s your web master?
Eva: Take a guess. Looks like we need to stock up on Snickers and Diet Pepsi again.
Host: I see; so what else does the future hold?
Eva: What do I look like? A psychic? Hey, if I was that good at seeing the future, would we be sitting here, three years after the first installment of our story, still waiting for a publishing contract?
Marta: I think a movie adaptation would be nice. We could get someone really cute to play Josh, and I think maybe Will Smith to play Bill Williams…
Host: Who do you see playing you?
Marta: I’d play myself, of course; who else has the look for the role?
Eva: You just want to kiss some cute actor.
Marta: Oh, and you don’t?
Eva: It’s not like my character would get kissed in the movie.
Host: Ladies, please.
Marta: Sorry; what were we talking about again?
Host: What the future holds.
Eva: I think our best bet right now is to take things one day at a time. I’m told we’re still looking for a publisher, so for now we’ll have to wait and see on that. It’s a pretty good bet you’ll see more of us here on Collector Times.
Host: Do you enjoy appearing here on CT?
Marta: Very much so. Sheryl is always a gracious host.
Eva: I don’t think it matters whether we ever make it big or not, we’ll always have a special place in our hearts for Collector Times. This was where we first went public, three years ago this month in fact, and while it’s certainly not big or flashy, it’s always warm and friendly here.
Marta: I think Josh and I have an appearance here this month.
Eva: If Rick got off his butt and sent it in. You never know with him. It took him long enough to get around to some good parts for me.
Host: Well, thank you for talking with us today, ladies, and I hope you and the Pod make a big splash in the entertainment world real soon.
Eva: Flatulent gerbil, Howie; it’s still not too late to replace you with a flatulent gerbil.
Host: Er, yes. Um. Well, thank you, audience, for tuning in today. I’m your host, G. Howie Fonzonem, saying congratulations to Collector Times for another wonderful year. We hope you join us again for another unscheduled episode of Meet the Stars.
2 comments:
This was fun. Thanks!
ROFL--What a fun interview, Rick! Where did you EVER come up with the idea of a flatuent gerbil?! Too funny! =)
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